DC Perry

Your Story is Very Compelling, Mr. Jackass.

Dave on August 7th, 2008

Here’s a dude with his priorities in order.  Someone has to keep these sandwich-making bastards in line.  When Reginald Peterson went into his local Jacksonville Subway to order sandwiches and they were presented to him without the mustard and mayonnaise, he fought back.  He called 911. “I’m not going sit and pay 12 dollars for 10 dollar sandwiches and not get what I paid for,” he told concerned law enforcement officials.

When the jerks at Subway locked him out of the store, Peterson fought back.  He called 911 again — this time to report that he was outside, but his sandwiches were inside.  “As I’m on the phone with you, the employee came here and locked the freaking door, and they got both of the sandwiches they did not made right inside the store,” Peterson said, as the 911 operator typed up his complaint on her imaginary typewriter.

And when the lazy, donut-eating, fat cops didn’t come fast enough, Peterson fought back.  He called 911 yet again.  He’d been waiting long enough; those sandwiches weren’t getting any saucier, and he wasn’t getting any closer to them.

Finally, the police showed up.  They tried to explain to the sandwich-loving citizen that 911 is hardly ever the right way to solve sauce-related disputes.  Peterson was eventually arrested on one count of criminal assholism.

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